by Emily Rowe, Psy.D.
Shame in Religious Trauma
Religious trauma often leaves deep emotional wounds that can persist long after someone has left their faith community or begun to “deconstruct” and rebuild their belief system. If you’ve experienced religious trauma, you may find yourself grappling with feelings of guilt and shame. While these emotions are often used interchangeably, there are some key differences between the two. Understanding these differences and exploring these emotions further can be critical to the healing process.
Understanding the Difference Between Guilt and Shame
Guilt typically stems from regret over specific actions or choices, such as feeling like you’ve done something wrong and wishing you could go back and do it differently. On the other hand, shame goes deeper. Rather than being tied to an action, shame is tied to who you are as a person. It might tell you that you’re fundamentally flawed, unworthy of love or forgiveness, or permanently damaged. For many people affected by trauma, particularly religious trauma, shame can overshadow their entire sense of self.
How Shame Develops in Religious Contexts
In some religious settings, you may have experienced shame as a way to control behavior. Messages from religious authority figures are often presented in a rigid, black-and-white format, emphasizing distinct and separate categories of “good” and “bad”—heaven or hell, saved or damned, pure or impure. These labels can be terrifying and overwhelming, especially if it is tied to the idea of salvation. The high stakes of these messages are often internalized, making it difficult to distinguish your own values from the harmful beliefs you’ve absorbed. It is especially damaging when these messages are absorbed at a young age, before you’ve had the chance to develop a healthy sense of self and personal values. When faced with the threat of being ostracized or condemned, you may feel trapped between two impossible choices: invalidate who you are and what you’ve been through, or forfeit belonging and acceptance.
The Isolation of Shame in Trauma
Shame related to trauma is a particularly isolating experience, as it often leads to withdrawing from loved ones, mistrusting other people, and constantly doubting your worth. This isolation also includes self-silencing and self-blame, keeping you stuck and preventing you from reaching out for the help you need. Additionally, when religious trauma causes you to step away from a faith-related group, you may also lose the sense of community and social support that came with it. This loss can amplify feelings of isolation, making it even harder to reconnect with others and find new sources of support.
Finding Healing and Reclaiming Your Self-Worth
As a clinical psychologist specializing in religious trauma and complex PTSD, I understand how deeply these feelings of shame can impact your life and wellbeing. In both my clinical practice and my research, I’ve seen the profound effects that these emotions have on trauma survivors and the unique issues that arise from harmful religious environments, especially for women and LGBTQ-identified individuals. You are not alone, and I am committed to helping individuals like you break free from painful patterns, reclaim your sense of self, and explore new ways of meaning-making.
If you’ve struggled with religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or are navigating separation from a high-control religion, you aren’t alone. When you’re ready to take the next step, please feel free to reach out to us today. You can set up a complimentary consultation or schedule your first appointment by completing our contact form.
Dr. Emily Rowe is a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and PTSD, with particular experience in providing therapy for religious trauma. With extensive experience in both clinical practice and research, Dr. Rowe has worked with individuals recovering from the emotional and psychological impacts of harmful or over-controlled religious environments. She is dedicated to helping clients navigate the complex emotions of guilt, shame, and identity confusion, particularly those from marginalized groups, including women and LGBTQ+ individuals. Dr. Rowe utilizes evidence-based therapies to support healing and empower clients to reclaim their sense of self.
